The Random Adventures of the Crazy Sohma Family
by Rakuen No Tobira
Summary: This is what I have in store for you! Kyou peeks in on Tohru while she's trying to sleep, Yuki goes crazy after watching a football game, Akito joins an exercise group, Ritsu becomes an anarchist and Momiji is chosen as his moral support! That and more!
1. Awkward

The Random Adventures of the Random Sohma Family 

Disclaimer: I don't own any Fruits Basket characters, only Natsuki Takaya does.

Chapter 1: Awkward

Kyou Sohma woke up on the roof of Shigure's house after a couple of rough hours of sleep.

For some reason, though, he mysteriously couldn't fall back to sleep. This really pissed Kyou off. But then, he got an idea, a somewhat horny idea (at least for Kyou's standards). He would sneak onto the other side of the roof and watch Tohru sleep.

Nothing really horny about that, but hey, its Kyou's mind and he should have the right to think whatever he wants, be it horny or not.

So, he snuck to the other side of the roof and bent down to look into Tohru's window. She was sound asleep in her pink little bed, next to her pink little dresser, which had pink little ribbons and a pink little hairbrush on it. Pink little walls surrounded all of this.

Kyou could already feel himself about to throw up, but he snuck in through the window with its pink little curtains and pulled a pink little chair from its pink little desk and sat at the end of Tohru's pink little bed.

He had probably sat there for about a half an hour when she began to stir. She opened her eyes quickly, sensing someone else in the room with her. It was still pretty dark so she couldn't see that well. She sat up and saw a dark figure sitting by the end of her bed.

"ARGGH!" she screamed.

"Arggh? That's a new one" Kyou said sarcastically.

"Kyou-kun? Is that you?" Tohru quickly stopped her spazzing after hearing his rough voice.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that." Kyou answered.

Dammit! I gotta think of a good excuse for being here!>Kyou thought to himself.

"Well, you know, you were snoring so loud I could hardly get some sleep." This was partially true.

"I'm so sorry! I won't do it ever again! In fact…" "WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!" Kyou's tried to control his anger a little bit that time when he saw Tohru shrink back.

"Wait, that's not what I meant. Damn you're so gullible!" Tohru gave him her goddamn retarded look she always gives what the hell is going on.

"Actually, um…you know, I just came here to watch you sleep. It wasn't like I was gonna do anything or anything and I didn't expect you to wake up!" Kyou put his hand to his head, resting it on his knee.

"Damn, I don't even know what the hell I'm sayin'!"

He was making ready to jump onto the roof again when Tohru caught his arm.

"Oh, wait…ummm…if its ok, I'd like you to stay with me for a bit longer."

Kyou could see her blushing, in fact, she almost began to match her room, blushing is very contagious in Kyou's case because he began to do it too.

"Ah, what the hell." He said, sitting back in the chair.

"But just for a little bit you hear? This room makes me sick!" Tohru giggled a little, layed back down in bed, and closed her eyes.

Authoress's Notes: Hey people, this is my first fanfiction and what could be a better subject than Fruits Basket? The later chapters will have more comedy in them but keep in mind that these chapters can be read in any order because each one has nothing to do with the other unless directed. So I hope you enjoy The Random Adventures of the Random Sohma Family. I'd love to hear your opinions on the story so R&R.

Arigatou and Ja ne, minna!


	2. Halftime!

Chapter 2:

Half Time

It was almost half time on the 28th of November at 5:46 p.m.

Tohru had gone to bed, Kyou was up on the roof, and Shigure was in the living room reading his newspaper while Yuki was watching the Baltimore vs. New England Turkey Bowl game.

So far, the score was 0 to 3 with New England in the lead and Yuki seemed absorbed.

"Oh, come now Yun-kun, how can you watch such garbage of people who actually enjoy getting hurt for a living?" Shigure asked sarcastically, not really caring what Yuki watched but decided to pick a fight about it anyway.

"Actually, its quite…interesting…" Yuki paused for a moment, trying to take in what just happened in the game since he never understood the rules of any game unless explained to him.

"Ne, Shigure? What's this…'field goal'…the announcers speak of that Baltimore just received?"

"How should I know how to play some dumb violent game that I wouldn't even dream of playing even if you got a boat-load of hookers to cheer for me while I was doing it…" Shigure rambled on and on about not caring even if it would win him a life time supply of money that he wouldn't even need anyway since he was a "world famous" author that got him a salary of $2000 per book, but we don't really care about that so onto the story.

"Wait a minute… Oh my friggin' Kami-sama! Whatever that 'field goal' was…it won us 3 points! We're tied Shigure, we're tied!"

Yuki jumped up, grabbed Shigure around the neck and shook him violently.

Shigure started to turn blue and then, a thought struck his mind…Yuki was trying to kill him. Plain and simple.

As a kind of instinctive reflex, Shigure started to slap Yuki across the face, rather hard mind you.

Yuki snapped out of it automatically after the first slap. "Um…slap Shigure?" Shigure kept right on slapping him. "What do…slap You think…slap your doing?" Yuki caught Shigure's arm in mid slap.

"Oh, um…oops" Shigure grabbed his arm back. "Gomen' ne, Yun-kun."

"Would you stop treating me like my onii-san? Its bad enough that I have to put up with him whenever he's around. I don't need it to rub off on you…of all people!" Yuki snapped coldly.

"How so Yun-kun?" Shigure asked innocently.

"How so **YUN-KUN**?" Yuki mimicked, adding emphasis on 'Yun-kun'

Shigure gave Yuki a quick glance. "…SHUT UP!" he yelled stupidly, since the conversation had already ended and he didn't need to comment on what's no longer existent.

"And how can you watch that dumb game anyway? We live in Japan!"

Authoress note: Hey everyone, sorry for the long wait. My computer caught a virus and we had to go get it fixed. Sorry again for this chapter being so short, but the next one will be longer, it's three pages of draft notebook paper already and still going. I hope you enjoyed the story so far and look forward to chapter 3: Shin'ne! YMCA!


	3. Shin'ne YMCA!

WARNING: SPOILER! WILL USE AKITO IN FEMALE FORM!!! Akito is one of my most favorite characters in the anime so that will be accented upon only…slightly. She's just so fun to make fun of ya know? You have been warned.

Chapter 3:

Shin'ne YMCA

Akito never really noticed this before, but she was getting a bit chubby, even members of the Jyuunishi were looking at her funny whenever she passed them in the hallways of the Main House.

But then again, anyone would look at her funny since she's a sexist, crossdressing, cow molester (poor Hatsuharu) but that's just in my opinion, (but no one cares about my opinion so let's move on.) Oh, poor, sweet, innocent Akito! What wrong did you ever do deserve this?

But back to the point, Akito was getting fat and Kureno was starting to worry about her a bit.

"Akito-san, have you noticed a….WEIGHT CHANGE…recently?" Kureno had called in Hatori (from the other room) to give Akito a quick check-up.

"What are you talking about? What kind of crazy doctor are you? I am God dammit! I don't GAIN or LOSE weight. I'm just perfect! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Akito was about to sit up out of her chair, but all that weight was too much for her to bear so she just ended up rolling around on the floor as a result.

By this time, Hatori was already done writing out a prescription. "I want her on this until further notice," Hatori said like the high and mighty doctor he will never be since he's stuck being a doctorly slave to the Sohma clan for the rest of his life.

He handed the slip of paper to Kureno. "And I want her to join an exercise group to get her back in shape." Hatori whispered to him out of Akito's range of hearing, which wasn't very far. "Will do, mate!" Kureno said in that fake Australian accent of his.

The next morning, Kureno woke Akito up at the butt crack of dawn, pulled her into a scary men's tanktop that he kept hidden in the back of his closet (he knew it would be good for something) and some sweatpants, and shoved her into the family Mazda.

"I'm God DAMMIT!" Akito protested angrily and rather randomly about ten minutes into the drive. "Jolly good, sweetums. I'm taking you to a place where you can boss all the young chaps around and do whatever you want." Kureno had mysteriously replaced his fake Australian accent with a very bad British one.

"Uh, can't I do that ANYWHERE I go? Gosh, this place sounds so stupid." Akito whined annoyingly like Napoleon from Napoleon Dynamite. "No sweetums, this is a place filled with great opportunities. You can meet new people. Make new friends yet keep the old, one is silver and another is gold I always say…"

Kureno paused awkwardly after saying that last part. He didn't want Akito to find out that when he was in the 5th grade, he had secretly signed up for the local Girl Scout troop without her permission. Naughty, naughty Kureno! We can't have that now can we? It wouldn't've really mattered anyway since he wouldn't transform when a girl hugged him 'cause he mysteriously lost his powers when he Akito did some ::cough stuff cough:: when they were younger.

"…and all that jazz" Kureno added in matter 'o factly. Akito just gave him her weird 'dialated eyes' look she always gave when she's to confused to know what something is but inside can sense she won't like it. I bet you Akito didn't even know what a Girl Scout was.

"What is this…FRIENDSHIP… you speak of?" Akito asked, rubbing her hands together maniacally, I mean how was she supposed to know what friendship was if she was such a social freak (…and sickly) that she never left her own house until she was 19? "Oh, it's nothing sugar muffin, but I'm sure you'll meet a lot of interesting people while you're in this place."

The rest of the car ride was silent, since Akito was no longer in the mood to talk to her sex slave anymore. When they arrived at the…place in question…Akito stared at Kureno in amazement (when they finally managed to get her out of the car that is.)

"THIS is your place of many splendors? This is the…" (a brief pause while Akito tried to make out the strange "symbols" on top of the large building) "YMCA…YOU TOOK ME TO THE YMCA?! How could you do this to me? Only health freaks go to the YMCA! I demand…" Kureno just dragged Akito into the building and up to the main desk, ignoring the angry remarks of flaming passion Akito threw at him.

"How may I help you?" The woman at the desk asked, trying to also ignore the fact that Akito was now holding one of the decorative potted plants above Kureno's head in a rather threatening way.

"We'd like a membership please…" Kureno couldn't hold in his pent up rage for much longer. "Alright, two male memberships. The mens locker rooms are just around the corner."

Kureno tried to correct the woman, that Akito was nothing but a genderly confused female, but Akito gave him such a dirty look (as if she WANTED people to think she was a man) that he didn't have it in him. He just took the membership cards and slunk around the corner, head hung low, with Akito trailing behind.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!….

AUTHORESS NOTES!: Hey people, its been a while since I've posted. In this installment, I decided to make Kureno be a kind of "fatherly" figure towards Akito, even though she only thinks of him as a sex slave. Poor Kureno, he doesn't even have a real voice, that's why I have to keep making up all these accents to find which one is the true....KURENO! HOHOHOHOHO! The rest of the story will be posted later on. Will Akito actually find a friend at the Y? Will Kureno be able to hold his head up proud once again? Will the clerk lady realize that Akito is a woman pretending to be a man? All will be revealed in the next chapter!


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